Deepak Chopra, MDHealth Blog - Wellness

Ask Deepak: Dealing with Sadness

Published on 2009-03-27 by Deepak Chopra, MD

My husband and I met while we were both on the rebound and were both doing a lot of partying which continued far too long into our married life. We both did quit our bad habits however in the following years I focused on the kids and their activities and he worked more hours. Now all the children have moved on and I continually feel alone in a house with 2 people. We don’t share any common interests and I think the love has gone out of the relationship for me. I am afraid beyond comprehension of making a wrong decision and asking for a trial separation. I did once before and was met with an ultimatum so I backed off. The economy is one of the reasons for my choice as I don’t earn enough to support myself. I have also been through periods of anxiety and depression and because I am going through perimenopause I have experienced many ups and downs in my energy and moods. My father also suffered from major depression.
At times I feel so overwhelmed with sadness that I think I need to be alone to sort out things. The next day I may feel better. I am afraid that once I make a decision that there will be no turning back. I question myself so much. Am I being immature and expecting too much? How can I know the answer? I realize this isn’t a yes or no situation but I need guidance as I feel my health is suffering. I have no zest for life anymore. I am too far into the forest to see the trees. Please help.

The sadness you are experiencing now is coming from you, not your husband, so I’m not sure that a trial separation will help. I wouldn’t say you are being immature or expecting too much, but you may be looking in the wrong place thinking that being alone is going to automatically provide you with the clarity and guidance to find your way out of depression and lovelessness. It’s even possible that this relationship provides you with an element of support that might be essential to your recovery.

You may benefit greatly by seeing a therapist who can help you deal with the pain underlying your depression. Ideally you will want to see someone who can offer you a holistic regime that includes diet, exercise, meditation, cognitive therapy, and creative expression as primary modalities to help you use this period of your life to make a quantum leap in your spiritual growth.

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